Tuesday, July 19, 2011

River of Darkness Movie Review 193

River of Darkness is a 2011 straight to DVD horror. Now, if you are a fan of the WWE, then some of the faces in this movie will be familiar to you. It stars Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash a.k.a. Diesel and Psycho Sid a.k.a. Sid Eudy. It is directed by Bruce Koehler.

The movie begins with a waitress being killed by a monster of a guy down by the water. The cops find the waitress hanging up at the riverside. Sheriff Will Logan(Angle) and his deputy have a look around but they don't find any clues. This theme runs throughout the movie. The Sheriff seems a bit clueless. Will is called to the church by the local priest who has the worst Irish/English/American accent I have ever heard. I don't know what they were going for, but it is all over the place! There is a weird lady called Mary(Alan Rowe Kelly) praying and telling them that there will be a river of blood etc etc. Nobody seems too bothered. More people are killed at the river. This time, we see that there are three killers and two of them are wrestlers(Psycho Sid and Diesel)!!!!!

Will goes to see an old guy called Virgil(Bingo O' Malley) who knows something but won't tell the Sheriff and it is like getting blood out of a stone trying to get him to talk. The Sheriff heads off with no information from the old guy and tries to solve the crime to no avail. The Sheriff sees the words 'HIX' carved on one of the victims and he returns to good old Virgil and this time he manages to get something out of him. Virgil tells him that there is a guy called Hix who lives in town. He tells the Sheriff that three brothers were accused of a rape in the town and the townsfolk took matters into their own hands even though there was no proof and they killed the brothers.Now, do you see what is happening? Three brothers, three killers from the dead!!! It all falls into place.They have come back for vengeance!

The three killers murder some paranormal investigators that arrive in town. They leave one of them alive. The locals get Hix and they drag him off and they intend to hand him over to the three dead guys as a little present. You see, it was HIX who raped that girl not the brothers and he is going to get his comeuppance. So, the Sheriff is in pursuit of the locals, but he just stands by and watches Hix being killed by the three dead souls.So the movie ends but before that we find out that the surviving paranormal investigator is the grandaughter of Hix and she hates him...Hmm. This movie was so bad that it was laughable. I think that there were some moments which were okay. The dead guys were entertaining and some of the acting was brutal. See it if you like the wrestlers because it has to be seen to be believed!!! This gets 3/10. Note: The cover of the DVD has Kurt Angle wearing some army gear and carrying a gigantic gun. NOWHERE in the movie did he change out of his Sheriff's uniform AND he did NOT have a gun like that in the movie so I don't know what the idea was with the cover ! Just thought that I would mention it!!!


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