Up In The Air Movie Review 91

Up In The Air stars George Clooney as Ryan Bingham who is a guy that companies bring in to fire their employees when they don't want to do the dirty work themselves. He spends almost the whole year flying from city to city trying to fire people in a nice way if that's possible! He tells them it's a new opportunity to rekindle their childhood dreams and he puts a positive spin on it!

When his boss, Craig Gregory played by Jason Bateman decides that they should now use video conferencing to fire people, Bingham's days are numbered. He loves the travelling and not being tied down so he does not like the new idea. Natalie Keener , who is played by Anna Kendrick has developed the new technology but has no practical experience of firing people. So, she travels along with Ryan as he flies from city to city firing people.Clooney's character meets a female equivalent who flies all the time and arranges to meet her when they are in the same area for sex. They both like it that way as there are no strings attached. When Natalie questions Ryan's lifestyle, he wonders if he is missing out on something after all.

There are cameos from Sam Elliott, Zach Galifianakis and J.K. Simmons and the story meanders along. It doesn't excite you and it just barely keeps you interested if at all. Nothing much happens other than all the different people's reactions to being fired and it all ends with a whimper in my opinion. This is another of George Clooney's attempts at an Oscar gong but it is much to slow and boring for me. Some people will love this movie and some will hate it. I think that you will know already by the description if you will like this or not. I like a bit of action or something like that in these movies to liven them up a bit but there is none of that here.One plus in the movie is Anna Kendrick as she is very nice looking but that's about it!! I would avoid this one if you like action movies, but if, on the other hand, you like slow burners, then you may love this! Again, I think you will know already if you like this kind of thing! It's just not my bag, baby!!(That's my quote from Austin Powers of course!!!!)

Up In The Air- 2/10

Dorian Gray Movie Review 90

This movie is from the novel written by Oscar Wilde. This is another adaptation of the book and it stars Ben Barnes, Colin Firth and Ben Chaplin. It is directed by Oliver Parker who also directed the new St. Trinian movies as well as other Oscar Wilde works.

The movie beings with a young man killing someone and dumping the body in a river. We cut to one year earlier and a young man called Dorian Gray(Ben Barnes) has come to London. He is taken to a huge house and we find out that his grandfather has passed away and he inherits everything. He seems like a naive person and he doesn't know much about the city ways. He meets a man called Lord Henry Wotton(Colin Firth) and he takes him under his wing and schools him in the ways of the world by telling him that he needs to experience the pleasures of life etc. He meets an artist called Basil Hallward(Ben Chaplin) who wants to paint a portrait of the young man. Basil is fascinated with Dorian because of his youth and his good looks. Lord Henry takes Dorian to some seedy places and introduces him to some ladies of the night!

So, Dorian happens to see a play starring an actress called Sybil Vane(Rachel Hurd-Wood) and likes her. He visits her and they begin to see each other. She finds out that he is seeing other women, though and she fights with him. They fall out and break up. He feels badly about it but then he finds out that she has killed herself and that she was pregnant with his child. He is very upset but then Henry talks him around. He has his portrait up in the house and he notices that it is changing. He decides to take it down and hide it in the attic. Dorian goes back to his womanizing ways. The more he goes astray, the worse the picture becomes. Basil wants the picture to show off his work,but Dorian will not give it to him. They argue about it and Dorian shows him the horrible picture and Basil is terrified. Dorian kills him in a fit of rage and disposes of his body as shown in the beginning of the movie.

Dorian heads on a trip for a few years and when he comes back, he hasn't aged at all whilst everyone else has. His old pals are now really old. They wonder how he has not aged. Sybil's brother , James, sees him and tries to kill him for what he did to his sister, but Dorian talks him around, telling him that he could not be the same young man who was with her. So, in the end, James tries to kill Dorian once again but gets knocked over by a train, leaving Dorian free again. He meets Lord Henry's daughter,Emily(Rebecca Hall) and they fall in love. Henry is not happy about this at all. He knows that Dorian is not a good person. Dorian looks at the picture and it is hideous now. There are worms coming out of it and rats are drawn to it. He knows that he has sold his soul to the Devil and he will have to pay. He tries to repent but there is no way that he can be forgiven.

Henry warns Dorian to stay away from his daughter but it doesn't work.Emily and Dorian get together. They decide to leave London together for a new life. Henry is not happy with this and he realises what Dorian has done with the picture so he heads to see it and find out what is going on. He sees the picture and realises how bad it is and realises the secret behind Dorian's youth. He also finds a scarf belonging to Basil and realises who killed him. He sets fire to the painting and locks Dorian in with it to perish. Emily tries to get him out but to no avail. Dorian accepts that he must pay for his sins and puts a knife through the painting, destroying it and himself. He changes into the old man he is and dies. The painting changes from the horrible old man into the youthful Dorian again....

Across The Hall Movie Review 89

Across The Hall is a nice drama/thriller that stars the late Brittany Murphy as June, Mike Vogel as Julian and Danny Pino as Terry. Terry calls his best friend Julian to say he thinks that his girlfriend is having an affair. Terry follows his girlfriend to a hotel and he pays the bellhop to put him in the room across the hall from where she is meeting her lover. He watches her door through the spyhole in his room and he vows to see who is with her. Terry tells Julia that he has taken his gun to exact revenge on his cheating girlfriend and her lover.He wants Julian over to support him but the only problem is that June is waiting for Julian to come in! Yes, Julian is cheating with his best friend's girlfriend. How can Julian get to June and get the both of them out of the hotel without being seen by Terry???

This is a tense drama with only the three main characters and a bellhop in it. There is another friend of Julian's who is in the hotel called Anna and she is played by Natalie Smyka. She knows that Julian is up to something when she sees him. The tale is told in a series of flashbacks jumping from different time periods in the night. Brittany Murphy did not do much as this is more of a story between the two best friends. One is trying desperately to cover up what he has been doing so that the other will not find out.

Across The Hall felt like a play as the main sets are the hotel rooms and the hall in between them. It has a simple story but it is well done as things do get tense as everything gets out of hand. I liked the way it ended especially and while there was not much to the story, it still would be worth checking out if you like a drama/thriller type of movie. This movie is one of those that few will know about but is underrated. I think that this is definitely worth renting out or seeing it on TV. I don't think you will be disappointed as I expected nothing much before seeing it but I was pleasantly surprised!!


Across The Hall- 7/10

Couples Retreat Movie Review 88

Couples Retreat is a comedy starring Vince Vaughan, Jon Favreau, Jason Bateman and Faizon Love as the male cast. In the female cast, there is Malin Akerman, Kristen Bell, Kirstin David and Kali Hawk. Also in this movie is Jean Reno, so with such a great cast, I was looking forward to seeing this. They all play couples who are stressed out with life and decide to band together and pay for a group holiday. They go to a couples retreat called Eden West which is specifically designed to help couples rekindle their relationship. It is on an island where the weather is lovely and there is lots of activities. The only catch is that they have to undergo therapy every morning from Marcel, played Jean Reno. He has strange methods and so the movie plays out as you as you might expect.
There are quite a few laughs in Couples Retreat and it will keep you smiling throughout. The only thing is that there are no laugh out loud moments that might have made it a classic. The comedy comes from the bizarre therapy and their reactions to it. Couples Retreat definitely has a feel good factor as Vince Vaughan has his usual charm and the story is helped along by the others. There are also some nice looking women in bikinis to help put a smile on your face if you are a guy! Any movie that has Malin Akerman, Kristen Bell and Kristin David in bikinis will always be able to keep your interest!!!For the women, there are the usual muscle bound hunks, so they should be happy too!!!

Couples Retreat goes along predictably enough ending with a feel good vibe so this would be the perfect movie to see as a couple because there is enough to keep both sexes entertained! It won't be the best comedy you will see but definitely won't be the worst. It has enough to hold your interest and would be perfect if you want a nice, pleasant comedy. It is worth a rent, especially if you want a perfect date movie!! After the end credits, look out for a brief scene with the four male leads urinating!!!!



Couples Retreat-5/10

Bitch Slap Movie Review 87

Bitch Slap is a movie starring Julia Voth, Eric Cummings and America Olivo. It's about three women who are in the desert and looking for treasure hidden by a man called Gage. Gage is played by Michael Hurst and he has been kidnapped by the gals and taken to his desert hideout. They want to know where he has hidden his riches. This is the basic setup of Bitch Slap and it is a tongue-in-cheek action movie with beautiful women thrown in!!

There are lesbian scenes and a five minute water fight in slow motion between the three women so Bitch Slap is definitely aimed at guys!!! What little story there is is shown in flashback and we see Kevin Sorbo from Hercules saying a few lines here and there, wearing sunglasses! Lucy Lawless shows up also as a nun as the hilarity continues!!!There are some very funny lines as they fight and another woman has a yo-yo with razor blades in it!! Everything is so over the top that I could not help but like Bitch Slap even when the flashback scenes are blatantly filmed in front of a green screen and the backdrops are put in later!

There is lots of blood as they fight and a really huge gun shoots up the place! This is a real guy movie that is good for a laugh and not to be taken seriously. If you like women and action, then check out Bitch Slap, but if slow-motion camera shots of big chested women doesn't interest you, then avoid this one. Zoe Bell from Deathproof was the stunt coordinator on Bitch Slap and the fight scenes are well done.

There is a twist at the end of the movie which was very obvious to me but the whole thing left me laughing because it was so over the top! There are a lot of better movies than Bitch Slap but it doesn't care and it just entertains the guys and it certainly entertained me. It goes in the category of being so hilariously bad that it is actually good!


Bitch Slap- 5/10

The Steam Experiment Movie Review 86

This movie stars Val Kilmer,Eric Roberts, Armand Assante and Patrick Muldoon. Val Kilmer plays Jimmy who walks into a newspaper editor at night to demand front page coverage. When the editor asks him why, he says it is because he has six people locked in a room and they will die soon. The editor calls Detective Mancini played by Assante who is unsure about Jimmy. Jimmy says he has six people locked in a steam room and they are going to prove his theory about global warming. The detective wonders if Jimmy has made this all up or has it happened already or is it happening right now.

As Jimmy is being questioned we see the six people locked in a steam room and they try to get out. Then they argue and begin to turn on each other. This is supposed to be proving Jimmy's theory about what happens to us in global warming. Jimmy is found to be a discredited professor with wild theories but does he tell the truth about holding the people? The scenes between Kilmer and Assante are like Tobin Bell and Donnie Wahlberg from Saw II and are good as they are both good actors. The only problem is that the story is fairly boring after the premise is set up and an attempt at a twist at the end only further draws parallels to Saw II.

We see the people stuck in a steam room getting hotter and hotter while the police detective talks with the mastermind. It's like a cheap knockoff of Saw II and if you have seen that you will know what happens at the end of this too. On the plus side, Val Kilmer is a very good as a crazy genius and I felt sorry for him here as he deserved a better class of movie to be in. There is no real tension cranked up as the people get really hot in the steam room and you will not care if they live or die.
When you hear that the people thought they were joining a dating service only to end up in the steam room, it seems weird. One other good thing is the lovely Eve Mauro who we get to see topless lying out in the steam room!!Other than her and Val Kilmer, there is not much to recommend this so I would avoid it unless you are a fan of either one of them. Just go to 21:30 mins in to see her topless and then turn it off!!!


The Steam Experiment- 1/10.

Case 39 Movie Review 85

This movie stars Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper, not to mention Ian McShane. It is directed by Christian Alvart who also directed Pandorum which we reviewed here.

So, the story begins with Emily Jenkins(Zellweger) who is a social worker who takes on the case of a young girl called Lilith Sullivan(Jodelle Ferland) who seems to be having problems with her parents. Emily visits them and she gets a bad picture of the family. She feels that the young girl is in trouble and that her parents are doing something bad to her so she tells her boss. When they bring the parents in, they talk to her boss and he can't do anything about it. Lilith tells Emily that her parents are going to hurt her. Emily is worried and she gives the kid her phone number in case she needs her. She talks to a cop,Mike Barron(McShane) and tells him of her worries and when she receives a call from Lilith telling her that her parents are going to kill her, she rushes over there with Mike. They find Lilith's parents trying to kill her in an oven. They rescue her and they parents are arrested and put in mental institutions.

Emily's boyfriend in a psychiatrist called Douglas J. Ames(Bradley Cooper) and he works with Lilith and tries to get her to open up to him. Meanwhile, Lilith tells Emily that she wants to live with her. So, Emily pulls some strings and Lilith is placed in her care until a foster family can be arranged for her. Over time, the child seems to be getting on very well and she loves Emily. Lilith goes to group therapy with other kids with problems and there is one child there called Diego whose parents are fighting etc. He murders them one night and when Emily goes to talk to him, he tells her that someone called him and made him do it. The call came from Emily's house. Emily knows that it wasn't her so she wonders if Lilith made the call. She denies it.

Doug is talking to Lilith about things and she tells him that she has bad thoughts about him. Doug sees another side to the seemingly nice girl. He tells her that he was always afraid of hornets as he had a bad experience with them as a child. She unnerves him and he tells Emily about it. That night, he is stung to death by hornets in his house. Emily is very upset and she wonders about the little kid. She talks to her parents and they warn her about Lilith. They had been trying to protect themselves from her and that is why they tried to kill her. She is evil. Emily is really trying to get rid of the child then as she tries to find a family to take her before its too late. When a family is found, she realises that she can't unleash Lilith on them and she needs to kill her.

Lilith finds out and she threatens Emily. Emily asks Mike for help but there isn't much he can do. The cop agrees to try and help her, but he gets killed by dog! So, then the race is on for Emily to get rid of the child before she drives her insane as she did with her own parents. Lilith can't be destroyed though and her attempts to kill her fail..But, she comes up with a plan to get rid of the kid once and for all, but will it work?? This movie was okay. It was predictable and long-winded in some parts. It wasn't that bad though if you like killer kids who go around smiling one minute and trying to murder you the next! I give this one a 5/10. Nothing special.

Paranormal Entity Movie Review 84

This horror movie is a rip off of Paranormal Activity which I have reviewed here.That doesn't mean that it is bad or anything, but it is very similar to that movie and basically you know what to expect going in. There is no director etc as it is supposed to be a real documentary on the death of Samantha Finley.

We begin on October 25th with a call to 911 from a guy called Thomas Finley. His family is dead and he is hysterical. Then, we cut to the beginning on the documentary made by Thomas who is accused of killing his sister, Samantha. He made the documentary and it was found in the house that he shared with his mother, Ellen and his sister. We go to the documentary then and Thomas introduces his family to us and we find out what he is doing. There are some weird things happening in the house and he wants to get it on camera. David, their dad is dead and Ellen has been trying to contact her dead husband. She began to write to him and then she began to think that he was really talking to her. Bad things began to happen to Samantha and now Ellen wonders if it was her husband that she contacted at all. Maybe she brought something evil into their house...
The phone rings in the middle of the night and there is nobody on the line. A glass is thrown from the cupboard and smashed.On the second night, the TV turns on on its own and a table moves. The crucifix falls from Samantha's bedroom wall. The next morning, she finds it on the floor. Tom puts it back up for her. They talk about it and they argue as Sam thinks that the evil spirit did it. He reads her diary and he finds out that she is seeing things in the house. On other nights, lights turn on by themselves and Ellen starts to wander around the house by herself. She doesn't remember doing it and she has written something on the table. They can't figure out what it means. The next night, Sam is in bed and something opens her door and covers the camera . The door is shut and Sam screams. Tom tries to get in and he eventually opens the door. The next day, Ellen rings a psychic, Dr. Lauren and tries to get him to come over.

More weird things happen and Thomas tells his mother and sister to stay at a motel and get away from the house. He stays in the house by himself and strange things happen. They arrive back and tell Thomas that the thing followed them there and attacked Sam. Things get weirder and weirder and Sam is found in the attic in some sort of trance. Thomas tries to get her down. She is attacked in her bath. Ellen talks to the psychic. There are bruises on Sam and Ellen thinks that the entity is going to kill her daughter. Ellen goes downstairs and she grabs a knife in the kitchen and cuts her wrists. The movie ends in a final scare which I will not reveal lest it spoil it for you. It really was very like Paranormal Activity but so what?You know that it isn't going to be brilliant but it will pass a couple of hours. This movie gets a 4/10.

Triangle Movie Review 83

Triangle is a thriller/drama starring the lovely Melissa George who is always worth watching!!She plays Jess who seems to be having trouble with her young son but arranges to meet up with friends of hers to go sailing in a small boat called Triangle. To the rest of her friends, Jess seems troubled as she is acting strangely throughout the boat trip. Then, they come across an electrical storm and they end up on top of the upturned boat. As they wait there,along comes a huge ocean liner and they can see a shadow moving on the boat. They climb aboard the liner called the Aeolus but can find no one on the ship.

Triangle seems interesting for the first twenty minutes until they get into the ship but then we soon realise what kind of movie it is. We are following Jess around and we soon realise Triangle is like Groundhog Day as Jess sees herself in previous situations that we just saw from different angles and it is very like the TV show Lost where characters are spying on previous events that happened to them from a different vantage point. We have seen this idea over and over before and here it gets a bit tedious when Jess sees herself over and over again. This has been done in an episode of Star Trek where the crew were stuck in a time loop.

When Jess sees herself, watching herself do something, Triangle becomes very tedious. I did want to see how it turned out in the end but that was all that kept me watching. That and the fact that Melissa George is in short shorts and a tight top throughout the movie!!! The ending is fairly obvious, though and came as no surprise so it doesn't really have a pay off and ends on a 'oh-is-that-all' kind of note. Triangle is a movie that sounds good in theory but it doesn't play out as well. Unless you love Groundhog Day types of movies, then I would say avoid it. If you like Melissa George then this movie will suit you as the camera focuses on her body a lot!!Other than that, there is nothing in Triangle that you haven't seen before!



Triangle- 3/10.

Ninja Movie Review 82

Ninja is a martial arts movie(if you haven't guessed by the title!) starring Scott Adkins as Casey who has grown up as an orphan inside a Japanese dojo. He's the only Western-looking guy in the dojo and he trains non stop. He catches the eye of Namiko(Mika Hiji) who is the Sensei's daughter, but this makes another student in the dojo jealous. He is Masazuka(Tsuyoshi Ihara) and he clearly has a bad streak as he looks on with anger!! While they are training together, Masazuka goes too far and tries to kill Casey but he gets banished from the dojo. He seems amazed when he is told that he is never to come back and I don't know why!!What did he expect after nearly killing another student??!!!

Masazuka goes on to become a brilliant assassin working for the highest bidder while Casey goes on to be one of the top guys at the dojo.The dojo's pride and joy is the Yoroi Bitsu, which is a legendary sword that the Sensei keeps with him at all times in a box. It is sent over to New York for analysis by a professor and Casey and Namiko are sent with it along with a couple of others. Meanwhile, Masazuka attacks the dojo on his own to steal the Yoroi Bitsu and he kills the Sensei. He finds out that the sword is in New York and with the help of a secret brotherhood called 'The Ring', he begins to track down Casey and Namiko and the sword. Naturally, they try and protect the sword from him.The secret brotherhood provides plenty of baddies for Casey to beat up and kill!

There are some brilliant action scenes of sword fighting and general fighting which are very like the movies of Jackie Chan and Jet Li. If you like their movies, then check this out as Scott Adkins is very good in the fight scenes and he does a lot of jumping kicks and he takes on multiple opponents at once. The story is fairly generic as you know what is going to happen but the fights really make the movie watchable. There is great use of slow-motion as Adkins fights his way through his enemies and jumps up over moving cars. This movie is only 1 hour 20 Min's, but it is a very fun movie, especially if you are into Martial Arts movies as I am. If you don't like Jackie Chan or Jet Li movies, then don't watch this. There are a lot of bloody scenes as swords slice through bodies so be aware of that if you don't like blood!!To me this movie had all that is good in these type of movies. The story moves along quickly as you know what is going to happen anyway and the fight scenes are great which is what it is made for!!!Definitely check this out now!!

Ninja- 8/10

Happy Christmas To Everyone!!!!!!!!

Happy Christmas to all who visit Jigsaw's Lair!!!!!!!!! I hope that you are having or had a great day!!! It will depend on what time you are reading this of course!! I hope that you are enjoying your day with your family and loved ones.You should be making sure to be watching a favourite movie of yours on TV or on DVD.Hopefully recommended by us or just a personal favourite of yours! One of my personal favourite non-horror Christmas related movies is Planes,Trains and Automobiles.Before you put finger to the typing keys to tell me it is a Thanksgiving movie, I know that already! We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Ireland so in my mind it is a Christmas movie! When the kids are put to bed or you just want a scare then it may be time for a horror movie!

So Happy Christmas to you and I hope you like the pictures of Kitty and Felix trying to get into the Christmas mood! I can tell you it was very hard to get the Christmas outfit on Felix and I had to take it off straight away! I think Kitty would be too big for the jacket so I didn't try it on her! Hopefully the pics put a smile on your face like they did to mine!!!!!!