Sunday, May 31, 2009

Fanboys Movie Review 26

Fanboys(2009) is a movie starring mostly unknown actors but full of cameos from more well-known stars. It is about four hardcore Star Wars fans who are so looking forward to the release of The Phantom Menace that they go on a road trip to steal a copy of the movie. This is before the movie has been released and one of them has cancer so they decided to go on a quest to steal the movie from George Lucas's home!!!
It is full of Star Wars jokes and how much they love the movies so if you are a fan of Star Wars you will love this movie. They go through many adventures on their way there and one of them even gets to meet his Internet girlfriend with hilarious results. Along the way, they meet Billy Dee Williams playing a judge named Judge Reinhold!! They meet Carrie Fisher playing a doctor and even William Shatner shows up at a pivotal part!! They also meet Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes of Jay and Silent Bob fame and Seth Rogan plays multiple parts to great effect! There are some hilarious scenes with him playing a hardcore Star Trek fan and every cameo is done perfectly! The stars do not overstay their welcome and really keep the story moving along. Accompanying the four fanboys on their trip is their friend who is a girl played by Kristen Bell from Heroes. she is especially lovely in her Leia outfit as you can see here!!

The climax is when they get to Skywalker Ranch, the home of George Lucas. The guards there are all decked out like the guards in THX1138 which is a great touch, THX1138 being a movie George Lucas made. They find mementos from movies George was involved in like the book from Willow, Indy's hat and of course, Star Wars memorabilia. This is a movie about fanboys for fanboys so if you like Star Wars, you should love this and all the in-jokes. If you are not a Star Wars fan you will probably think that it is silly and pointless. If you are a fan, go see this now and have a great laugh as I did! I would recommend this to all Star Wars devotees!!

Fanboys (8/10)

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Obsessed Movie Review 25

Obsessed is a movie starring Beyonce Knowles, Idris Elba from the Office and Ali Larter from Heroes. Idris Elba plays an executive called Derek Charles who gets Lisa(Larter), a temporary secretary but straight away, she sets her sights on him and she is determined to be with him romantically. Beyonce plays his wife,Sharon and Jerry O' Connell from Sliders and Stand by Me is a work colleague,Ben.

Charles just humours Lisa at first, but when she goes too far at a Christmas party, he realises that she is crazy. She tries to seduce him with no effect. He lets her know that he is married and that he is not going to do anything with her. She doesn't get the hint, though. Things go from there and this movie turns into a below average stalker film cliche where nobody but Charles realises that she is crazy. She manipulates everyone and she makes it look as if they were having a steamy affair and naturally, everyone believes her! The movie goes along as you might expect with her craziness getting worse and things eventually come to a head. If you have seen 'Play Misty For Me' starring Clint Eastwood, then you will know exactly how this movie is going to go.

This movie is not as good as that one and it is produced by Beyonce herself so you just know she is guaranteed a big part! When you produce a movie,be sure to make your part a key one! There is the inevitable end fight sequence in the home of Derek and Sharon and as usual in these movies, there is a huge house with endless stairs and balconies and a gigantic attic! There are also huge chandeliers and huge rooms all ready to have a fight scene in! I'm still waiting to see a movie where the main couple live in a one-bedroom apartment! They always have massive houses with rooms bigger than my house!! This movie was also similar to Disclosure starring Michael Douglas but it is only a poor relation.

Idris Elba was okay as Derek Charles and Beyonce was poor as his wife. Don't look for her in the Academy Awards this year! The beautiful Ali Larter made this movie better by her mere presence and by her prancing around in her undies!But, this movie is nothing new. There are no surprises and the final fight is unintentionally funny and a cliche! Just put a psycho together with an attic, balcony, a glass table and a chandelier and the end writes itself!!! I wouldn't bother with this movie unless there is nothing else on or if you like watching Ali Larter in her nice underwear as seen above!!!

Obsessed (3/10)

Friday, May 29, 2009

Star Trek's Deleted Scene Revealed!!!!!!

hen JJ Abrams was finishing up his final cut of Star Trek, there were some scenes that he thought were good at the time but on reflection maybe they were not great.Fortunately as I am in regular contact with people in the know and with access, I have received a deleted scene from Star Trek.It is actually before Zachary Quinto was cast and Abrams was going to make Spock more like Tuvok.Footage isn't great but bear in mind this was erased and deleted originally but using the power of technology we are able to undo the erase and the result is as follows.You can clearly see the budget had not kicked in at this time and it was young Spock letting off steam when he is away from the academy.Ever wonder what he did on his downtime?? Maybe you thought he read books?? Studied Starfleet engineering?? Well no....................he let his human flamboyant side take over!!! Data liked classical music but Spock's interest lied more with the Jacksons.Does he sit quietly in meditation?? No!!!! He goes full blast and lets his human side take over!! He dances like he has never danced before!! And judging from the video, maybe he HAS never danced before!!!

Star Trek Movie Review 24

Star Trek is a movie about...well, surely you know what it's about! A ship, the split infinitive,come on, ring any bells??? Well, this is J.J.Abrams new baby and as I am a big fan of his show 'Lost', I had high hopes for this reboot. It features Chris Pine as a young Kirk, Sylar as Spock...oh, I mean Zachary Quinto as Spock!!!! Karl Urban is Bones,Zoe Saldana is Uhura, Simon Pegg is Scotty, John Cho is Sulu and Anton Yelchen is Chekov. Bruce Greenwood is Pike so I was just waiting for him to be in a black wheelchair with a flashing light! If you don't know what that means you must not be a Trek fan! Be warned..there are spoilers ahead!!

Leonard Nimoy is in it and he plays Lieutenant Uhura in drag which was a surprising casting choice and a brave role for Nimoy to take on. Abrams made Bones the captain of the Enterprise which seemed strange to me! Okay, okay......Nimoy plays Spock and Kirk is still the captain so you can relax! It starts promisingly enough with a Federation ship under attack and we learn that Shatner's dad.. I mean, Kirk's dad is on board and of course, he dies saving the rest of the crew just as James T. Kirk is being born! We find out that a Romulan named Nero is looking for Spock and he doesn't want logic lessons! Nero is played by Eric Bana and he is not fond of Vulcans so he wants to kill them all. We then cut to Kirk growing up and he drives fast cars while being chased by a motorcycle cop who flies. Incidentally, this reminded me of Galactica 1980 where the guys from the ship have flying motorcycles. But back to the movie....

Young Spock is growing up also and he gets bullied as his mother is a human so he is only half- Vulcan. His mother is played by Winona "shoplifter" Ryder which for some reason I found odd!
Spock's mother was a shoplifter? Say it ain't so, Spock! Then we see Chris Pine playing Kirk and he has grown up to be a cool, but slightly arrogant guy. He not only chats up a young Uhura but he feels her up also. Say it ain't so, Kirk! Shatner would never have let this happen.......Good thing for Kirk that Pike sees something in him and urges him to enlist in Starfleet. Of course, he says no, but turns up when the new recruits leave. Here he meets Bones(Urban) who does a brilliant job as McCoy. Three years whizz by in the time it takes to put up the caption and Kirk is taking the Kobayashi Maru test again. As we all know,or at least, fans will know, Kirk wins by reprogramming the test. As he defends himself by arguing with Spock, they get urgently called away so we can finally get some real action!

Weirdly,Spock is having a relationship with Uhura, she has a first name and Kirk only gets aboard the Enterprise by being smuggled by Bones. Say it ain't so, Uhura!!! Sulu and Chekov are at the helm but of course, Kirk realises that it is a trap set by Nero. He runs onto an ipod-inspired bridge and makes everyone see the dayglo light! Sulu, Kirk and a red shirt land on a drill that Nero is using on the planet Vulcan but of course, in Star Trek tradition, the red shirt dies!

Sulu gets to have a fight so that is good and he also saves Kirk. I did notice a mistake at the time of watching this where Kirk is hanging onto a ledge with his right hand, yet gets pulled up by his right hand so it was a poor mistake. Unfortunately, Nero creates a black hole on Vulcan and Spock heads down to save the Vulcan Elders and his parents. Meanwhile, Sulu and Kirk are falling in mid-air but Chekov saves them by teleporting them to the ship. A few seconds later, he can't save Spock's mother from the same fate. This is another mistake and this is more of a glaring plot hole though it proves that bad things happen if you shoplift!!

Uhura cheers Spock up with a kiss and a cuddle and this seemed so wrong to me! The planet Vulcan disappears into the black hole that Nero created and he puts a parasite into Pike's mouth which seemed like Fear Factor!! After an argument, Spock jettisons Kirk in an escape pod which seemed really silly as surely he would just put him in the brig. I sensed a plot device to get something unusual shoehorned into the story.Sure enough,on the planet/moon, is Old Spock, played by Nimoy. He explains that he was trying to save the Romulans from an exploding star in the future but he and Nero got pulled into a black hole. As Spock didn't save Romulus, Nero would destroy all Federation planets in a dastardly revenge!!!! Spock and Kirk head over to a Starfleet outpost that is conveniently nearby. Why didn't Spock go there himself before this? When they get there, they meet Scotty. He is played by Simon Pegg who I thought was awful. He didn't have the accent right and didn't fit the part. Happily, Spock reveals Kirk can take over the Enterprise if he gets young Spock angry. This is a Starfleet regulation '619' or to non- Starfleet people, a handy plot loophole 619! It means that if the captain is emotionally compromised, he has to step down from command.Surely this is a reference to the WWE's Rey Mysterio who does the 619.If you do not watch wrestling then ignore the last sentence!!!

Kirk and Scotty beam back aboard the Enterprise and of course, Kirk bugs Spock so he steps down and Kirk is the captain!! Another plot device success!!! Spock has his confidence crisis but after a chat with his dad, he is on the team! He gets some t.l.c. from Uhura before he and Kirk beam to Nero's ship. Spock takes future Spock's ship(are you following this???) while Kirk fights Nero.Spock destroys Nero's drill so he will have to visit his local DIY store again...Kirk doesn't actually fight Nero as such, he gets knocked down by another Romulan and then Nero beats him up.Only when Nero hears that his drill is destroyed does he let Kirk go. Kirk didn't even throw a punch and no trademark drop-kick! Kirk runs away when faced with another Romulan and nearly falls off another ledge. He shoots the Romulan but this is when I realised that new Kirk is a wimp! Shatner's Kirk would never run away from a fight! Say it ain't so, Kirk!

Kirk saves Pike as Spock is flying his ship into Nero's ship. Scotty beams Spock off before he hits it. They shoot at Nero's ship as it slips into the black hole and it is destroyed. The Enterprise is slipping into the hole too but Scotty ignites the Warp Drive Reactor Cores ( as you do!) and the explosion pushes them clear of the hole. The movie ends with Kirk taking over as captain of the Enterprise and a few metres away is Future Spock. How he strolls around Starfleet without authorisation I'll never know!! He gives the voice over at the end.

How good Star Trek is will depend on where you are coming from. If you love Star Trek and eat up anything to do with it, then you will love this. On the other hand, if you love Star Trek, but like continuity and things linking up with previous Star Treks, then you will be disappointed. I am in this camp. If you just want a nice action movie, you should be happy enough. Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine are great in this but the character of Kirk ends up being a wimp. He gets saved by others and he doesn't fight himself. The love affair between Spock and Uhura felt very weird and Simon Pegg was miscast as Scotty. The other members of the crew were good too. The temporal directive went out the window here as now there is a whole new timeline set up. I didn't like this idea and I have to say it reminded me of 90210 in space at times.

In saying that, the movie is still enjoyable and is worth watching. The biggest omission by far is William Shatner and either he or the captain of the ship should be doing the voice over, not Spock. It all feels so near yet so far with a lot of things great, but a long wrong also. I'm hoping if they make another movie with these actors, John De Lancie, a.k.a. 'Q' will show up to put things right! Mon Capitaine, say it ain't so!!

Star Trek (5/10)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Gate(1987)

This movie stars a very young Stephen Dorff and it is directed by Tibor Takacs. I had heard of this movie before I watched it but I was pleasantly surprised by this horror film. It was entertaining. Young Glen(Dorff) finds a large hole in his backyard after a tree is struck by lightning. He and his friend Terry(Louis Tripp) find some sort of rock in the hole. They dig around, looking for more rocks which are called 'thunder eggs'. Moths come flying out of the hole. Glen's parents are going away for three days and Glen's sister, Alex(Christa Denton) is in charge of him. She seems more interested in going out with her stupid friends than looking after her little brother. Alex is having a party when her parents have gone and Glen and Terry are upstairs with the rock. They open it and they find some words written on an etch-a-sketch! Meanwhile, the teens are messing around when one of them starts talking about levitation and they try it on Glen. It works, but Glen gets scared and runs off.Terry stays over with him that night and encounters his dead mom who turns out to be Angus, Glen's dog, who has been killed! Glen is very upset and wants to call his parents, but Alex won't let him. She heads off with her pals, leaving Glen alone. Terry is at his house listening to a record of weird music when he sees something about a hole and demons coming out of it. He puts two and two together and he calls over to Glen to tell him that there are demons in his backyard and that they are going to come out of the hole when they get sacrifices.He brings the record with him and it contains a book which tells them all about the demons. Alex's friend dumps the dead dog into the hole which serves as a sacrifice. Alex comes back and she makes it up with Glen.That night, Glen's window breaks and he is attacked by moths. They find Angus in Terry's bed. A hand from under the bed grabs Alex's leg. Little demons come out of the hole and chase the teens. The teens need to close the gate before the big demons come. They run downstairs to get the record which will show them how to close the gate, but it burns. They get a bible instead and they read from it. The gate is beginning to open, but it needs two human sacrifices before it can complete. They try and chant some lines from the bible, but terry falls into the hole. He is attacked by the mini demons but he manages to climb out and complete the chant. The hole closes.The teens return to the house and they think that it is all over. A body comes from the wall and grabs Terry and takes him. They try to take Glen. Terry attacks him now. Alex and Glen lock themselves in the closet but the demons grab Alex too. Glen thinks of a plan and he tries to grab his rocket. Out of the ground comes a gigantic demon along with his minions. Glen is faced with it, but it doesn't take him. He launches a rocket into it's chest and it explodes. As it is destroyed, Alex and Terry are returned along with Angus the dog. This movie was entertaining and while it isn't gory or violent, it is a good movie and I enjoyed it. I am going to give this one a 7/10. Oh and there is going to be a remake so catch the original first!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Howling 2:Stirba-Werewolf Bitch(1985)

This sequel is pretty poor when compared to the original Howling(1981) which I have reviewed here.But, you can't expect it to be the same. This movie is directed by Phillipe Mora who directed The Beast Within and Communion. The movie starts where the last one left off. Karen was killed as she turned into a werewolf live on TV. Her brother Ben White(Reb Brown) is at her funeral. He meets journalist Jenny Templeton(Annie McEnroe) who knew his sister. They are confronted by a weird guy called Stefan Crosscoe(Christopher Lee) who tells them that Karen really was a werewolf and that there are more of them. He shows them video proof that Karen was a werewolf and Ben finds it very hard to believe his story. Ben and the reporter are at a crypt and they are shocked when a supposedly dead Karen comes back to life as a werewolf and tries to kill Stefan. Ben has to kill her. He believes Stefan now. The three meet at a nightclub and Ben learns that Stirba(Sybil Danning), the queen of the werewolves is celebrating her tenth millennium of being immortal. She is killing young virgins to gain her youth back. All werewolves will come to her to celebrate this momentous occasion. We also meet Mariana(Marsha Hunt) who is a werewolf babe and who kills a few punks and devours them for fun. She has a servant with her called Erle(Ferdy Mayne). So, the three heroes are off to Transylvania to find the werewolf queen and bring her reign of terror to an end. It is not going to be easy as she will be surrounded by werewolves who are very powerful. They meet a dwarf who helps them along the way as he has magical powers. The village they stay in is full of weirdos and Stirba's influence can be felt everywhere... They finally find out where Stirba is located. They have a few friends from the village to help them, but they have a huge task ahead of them. Stirba is expecting them.. They reach her eventually and there is a showdown between Stirba and Stefan who have been battling against each other for a long time. There are some revelations and of course some stripping off. Stirbadoesn't seem to want to keep her clothes on and she reveals her boobs at every opportunity!How will it end? Does anyone care? This movie is kind of silly and it pales in comparison to the original. It can be funny when you see the werewolves as their costumes or whatever they are are ridiculous. It seems a bit cheap and it seems as if people are just there to get paid. All in all, not a great movie, but it is in the 'so bad it's quite entertaining' category. Of course, you should see if it you like b-movies with plenty of boobs and some horror thrown into the mix. I am going to give this one a 5/10 and that is being generous!!

Monday, May 25, 2009


This low-budget movie is famous because people thought that a girl was actually being murdered on set! But, she wasn't. It was all just part of the hype for the movie. It was originally released years earlier, but it was so sleazy and badly-acted that it wasn't released properly until 1976. It is made in South America and it is hideously bad.... The movie begins with a biker gang looking for one of their crew. She is Ana and they think that she has run off with their stash. They find her and torture her then at the bidding of some Manson-esque guy called Satahn(get it?). He is some kind of leader to the chicks and they do whatever he wants..He is always speaking to them in echoes so he comes across as some kind of spiritual leader( but he is just some saddo....) So Ana is being tortured because she broke the psycho's rule and she doesn't seem to mind her toes being cut. The Manson wannabe watches her and the others laugh really loudly which is probably because the blood doesn't even look real!!! Anyway, they end the torture and she is one of the gang again! So, we cut to the airport where some poor guy is washing his hands when he is attacked by a woman and stabbed(more really fake blood!). We don't know why. It isn't explained and the person leaves their coat at the crime scene!Hmm. Anyway, we cut to a couple of people coming off of a plane. They are Terri London, who is an actress and Max Marsh, her agent(?). They are going to be shooting a movie in South America. Terri keeps complaining about the heat and Max just wants to get into her knickers! They arrive at a house where Terri will be staying and she wants to go to sleep so Max leaves her alone. Her phone rings and she asks for some guy called Horst! She chats to him and he tells her that he will be with her in two hours. Horst has some chick called Angelina with him and he tells her of his meeting. Horst sets off to meet Terri and they kiss etc. Cut back to Satahn who is looking more like David Koresh this time. He is telling Angelina that she has to get close to Horst and Terri and they chat about Terri getting pregnant and having a baby and then they will kill it. It's his grand plan - couldn't he come up with something better? Angelina loves him and she will do whatever he wants so they frolic in dodgy looking water and then the others show up! It's a free for all!!! At this stage, I was tempted to turn the movie off because it seemed really cheesy and silly, but I was waiting for something to happen...Horst and Terri are in bed together chatting and Horst tells her that she doesn't need to make nudie pictures with Max but she tells him that she needs her dignity(!) and she needs her independence so she will prance around with her boobs on show if she likes! Then, we find out that Terri is pregnant and that Angelina will have to move out of Horst's place. The plot in this movie is all over the place and there is no set plot lines.Anyway, Max is gotten rid of by Angelina so he won't stand in the way of Terri and Horst having a child together. Terri is then seen frolicking in the pool afterwards. Poor Max wasn't missed. The cops asked Terri some questions, but then decided that she was okay and that there was nothing suspicious about it. The cop could only string a few words together anyway, so it's okay. Terri meets Horst's dad and they chat etc. Satahn shows up with some cryptic words and leaves. The gals are torturing each other again. Satahn comes in to the warehouse they call home and stops them. Angelina is in the gang. They go robbing and killing people. Angelina then tells Satahn her sob story and they bond(aahhh). So, they are ordered to slaughter everyone, including the pregnant Terri(reminds me of the Manson killings!) at Horst's place. They find a few people there and they kill them all..Then, the movie stops and we find out that it wasn't real at all.. There are cameras filming it..We are in a movie within a movie. Then some poor girl is attacked and murdered for our viewing pleasure. Is it real? Is it fake? It's FAKE!!! This movie was very badly made and the acting was laughable. It was actually funny because it is so bad. I didn't think that I could sit through the whole thing and then the ending was the only decent part of it, but that's not saying much. If you like a really cheesy, cheap, silly movie, then this is it. It will make you laugh anyway and that is something...I am giving this a 4/10.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Eaten Alive(1977)

This horror movie wasn't easy to find, but I finally got it and sat down to watch it earlier today. I was not sure what to expect as this was labelled a 'video nasty' years ago, which of course means that it became more popular as a result! It is directed by horror movie great Tobe Hooper and it stars a very young Robert Englund and Marylin Burns from Texas Chainsaw Massacre(1974) which I have reviewed here.The movie begins with a prostitute at a sleazy brothel in the middle of nowhere. She is very reluctant to have sex with Buck(Englund) who wants to do things she won't. She screams and brings in the owner of the brothel, Miss Hattie, who looks like a total weirdo! The prossie is thrown out of the brothel and she wanders as far as The Starlight Hotel which is run by the local psycho Judd(Neville Brand). Judd has a little friend in the shape of a giant crocodile who is his pet! He welcomes the young girl and he brings her bag upstairs for her. He suddenly realises that she is one of the whores from the brothel and he kills her and feeds her to his pet!For some reason, he has something against whores!!! Next comes a family, a mother, Faye(Burns) and dad, Roy(William Finley) and their little daughter,Angie(Kyle Richards). They have a dog with them and when it runs under the fence and gets eaten by the croc, all hell breaks loose and the little girl is crying and hysterical. They take her up to a room to try and calm her down. Judd is walking around mumbling something and when the dad goes down with a shotgun to shoot the croc, he is killed and fed to the monster too. Then, along comes a dad and daughter who are looking for the whore who is now in the belly of the croc. Judd can't help them and they go to the local sheriff for help. Sheriff Martin(Stuart Whitman) agrees to try and help them locate her.The dad goes back to the hotel while his daughter Libby(Crystin Sinclaire) goes with the sheriff to get something to eat and talk. Faye is looking for her husband who has been guzzled by the croc and she is taken by surprise when Judd grabs her and ties her up and starts hitting her. Angie sees this and she runs under the house to get away from the psycho. He tries to get her but he sees a car coming so he has to leave it. He ties Faye to a bed and leaves her there. He sees the dad coming back to the hotel and he kills him too and feeds him to his pet. There is no rhyme or reason to the killings, the psycho just kills anyone who gets within five feet of him with his trusty scythe!So, he goes after the little girl again and he tries to get her to come out, but she isn't going to. Then, Buck comes out to the hotel for a bit of fun with his girlfriend and Judd doesn't want him there. Eventually, Buck gets pushed into the water and is another snack for the ever-hungry croc. His girlfriend gets away and Judd knows that it a matter of time before he is caught. Libby finds Faye tied up and she lets her out as Judd tries to get the kid. They are chased by him and his scythe, but they run outside and Faye is hit, but he doesn't kill her. They push Judd into the water and he is eaten by the crocodile. How's that for justice? All that is left of him is his wooden leg floating on the water.... This movie is a bit silly, but it is great fun and there are some really strange characters in it. I am going to give it a 7/10..

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Paul Blart Mall Cop(2009)

This movie was out a few months ago and I saw it then. It is a comedy starring Kevin James,Keir O Donnell and Jayma Mays. It is directed by Steve Carr who has done comedies such as Daddy Day Care(Oh No!) and Are We Done Yet(even worse!).Paul Blart(Kevin James) is a security guard in a mall(big surprise!) and he loves his job with all of his heart. He is well-known by everyone working there but he really wants to be a cop. He passed most of the physical exam, despite being heavy, but he passed out at the last hurdle because he has hypoglycemia. We find out that he has a daughter, Maya and that he lives with his mom. He was married but is now divorced as his ex-wife only married him to get a green card. His family want him to begin dating again, but he isn't too bothered. They convince him to sign up for some online dating agency. He has his eye on someone at work called Amy(Jayma Mays) but he isn't sure if she likes him. There is a new guy starting called Veck Sims and Paul has to train him. He takes Amy to her car that evening and they get along well. But, when he is on a night out with her, he gets very drunk and embarrasses himself in front of her. He is mortified and he thinks that she won't like him any more. It is Black Friday, the busiest day in the mall and Paul is on patrol when a gang breaks into the mall after hours and set up camp. They capture everyone, including Amy. But, Paul is messing around in the mall and they don't find him. The gang have some plan to take the numbers of credit cards and make millions. Paul eventually cops on to them and he sees that it is the new trainee Veck, who is the leader of the gang! He is desperate to get Amy out of danger and she sees him outside the bank where they are being held. There are lots of twists and turns as Paul tries to think of what to do. The baddies seem to be skateboarders and very athletic guys which seems a bit strange, but they can't seem to catch Paul when they realise that he is there. He becomes an unlikely hero and he saves the day...Paul has a radio and he keeps in touch with the cops outside. But, the gang grab Paul's daughter when she arrives for work and they have the upper hand. He dispatches some of the baddies, but when he tries to get Veck, he fails. He chases after him when he escapes and in the end he gets him and he gets the girl. This movie was silly in some parts, but very funny in others. It is probably more of a family movie but that doesn't make it bad. Kevin James carries the whole movie on his shoulders and the others are just there to support him. It is worth seeing though and it is much better than another mall cop movie out this year, Observe and Report. I will give it a 6.5/10.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Psycho 3(1986)

I know what you are thinking.. Another Psycho sequel!!!But, this one is also good. Read Psycho(1960) here and Psycho 2(1983) here. I love all of the four movies in the Psycho series. This one is entertaining and Anthony Perkins is spot on as Norman Bates. It also stars Jeff Fahey.It begins with a nun called Maureen(Diana Scarwid) who tries to commit suicide on top of a bell tower. The other nuns try to stop her and one nun is accidentally pushed over to her death. Maureen leaves the convent full of guilt and despair. We cut to Norman who is behind the desk in the Bates Motel. He has been busy stuffing birds and of course, Mrs. Spool , who he murdered in the last movie and who is his real mommy! He sees Maureen and he is reminded of Marion Crane(from the first movie). He offers her a motel room. After her comes the sleazy Duane Duke(Fahey) who picked up Maureen earlier and tried to get off with her.He gets a job in the motel. Norman is happy to have some company. The local law are looking for Mrs. Spool and they have to check out Norman's place. There is a pushy reporter, Tracey(Roberta Maxwell) who is poking around to find out if Norman is back to his old ways. She tries to interrogate him, but he doesn't want to talk to her. Meanwhile, Maureen is in the bath when 'Mother' comes in with plans of killing her, but she has slit her wrists..She wakes up in hospital where she finds out that Norman saved her life. Meanwhile, Tracey finds out that Duane works at the motel as she asks him questions about Norman and she tells him that she thinks that Norman had something to do with Mrs. Spool's vanishing. Duane picks up some floozy from a bar and bring her back to his room at the motel. She gets killed.
Maureen has moved in at the motel and she and Norman are beginning to get along very well. They go out on a date and then they fall asleep in each others arms. There are a party of youngsters having a great time, but one of them is murdered as she sits on the toilet(nasty way to go!). Norman finds her and he is horrified. She is thrown into the ice box and hidden for a while. The next morning, the sheriff is out at the hotel to find out what happened to the young lady and he reaches for some ice, but he misses her body. Norman falls out with Duane who tries to blackmail him. He ends up hitting him on the head with his guitar and he takes his car and his body to the swamp. Duane ain't dead and he fights with Norman, but Norman manages to finish him off and get out alive. Maureen is waiting for Norman at the motel and she is ready to give herself to him. Tracey is snooping around outside and Norman doesn't see her. He sees Maureen and he is happy until he hears Mother calling him. He loses grip of Maureen and she falls backward down the stairs and she is killed by the arrow on the statue of Cupid. It has punctured her skull. Norman is devastated and tells his mother that he will get her. Tracey tries to find Maureen and she sees her in the house, surrounded by candles, dead. Norman appears dressed as his mother and he tries to kill her. She tries to reason with him and he goes to where Mrs. Spool's corpse is and he stabs it instead. The movie ends with Norman being led away by the Sheriff. He is reminded that he might never get out of the institution this time, but he doesn't mind. He smiles as he holds the severed hand of Mother.....An interesting sequel which I love, I am giving this one a 10/10.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Motel Hell(1980)

This movie is hilarious! It is directed by Kevin Connor and it stars Rory Calhoun and Nancy Parsons. It is going to be remade I hear, so I would watch the original before it is ruined.
Farmer Vincent(Calhoun) owns a motel called 'Motel Hello' but the O is broken on the sign, so it is 'Motel Hell' instead and how right it is! This motel is very different. It is more along the lines of the Bates Motel! Farmer Vincent lives with his sister Ida(Parsons) and together, they run the motel and the farm. Farmer Vincent smokes his own meat and sells it within a 100 mile radius. People come from all around to taste his meat as it is so different and he says that he never uses chemicals. Little do his customers know that the meat is actually human flesh and that Vincent spends his nights setting up traps on the road to catch vehicles as they pass and make them crash so that he can get more people for his secret 'garden'. His 'garden' is comprised of all the people he has caught and buried up to their necks in his garden. They have all had their vocal chords severed so that they cannot scream. They all have sacks over their heads also. They are fed until they are ready to be chopped up and smoked!
A motorcycle crashes one night and he hauls the male rider to his garden, but he saves the young woman, Teri(Nina Axelrod) and he brings her to his house. The next morning, Vincent's brother, Sheriff Bruce(Paul Linke) arrives and he is taken with Teri. He knows nothing about Vince and Ida's activities. Vincent tells her that her boyfriend died in the accident and that he buried him. Teri goes to see the grave. It seems to be okay with the Sheriff...Teri decides to stay at the motel(she MUST have hit her head hard!) with Ida and Vincent. She knows nothing of their gathering human meat for their smoking factory and she thinks that they are real good folk! So, we see Vincent and Ida at work for most of the movie. Vince catches them and Ida helps him to 'plant' them in the garden. Soon, they have plenty of people there. Bruce, meanwhile, is falling for Teri and he takes her to a movie- but then they watch it through binoculars(weird!). Teri doesn't seem to mind!There are some laugh out loud moments in this movie and that is one of them.
Then, Teri begins to lust after Vincent! It is too weird! He saves her from drowning after Ida tries to kill her(!) and she bares all for him, but he wants to marry her before they do anything(great morals there- he doesn't seem to mind killing and cooking people though!). It gets weirder as they arrange to be wed and Teri seems happy about that! They drug her with champagne and then go about their 'work' with some bodies. They hypnotize three victims with some coloured lights and then kill them with a tractor(you have to see it to believe it!). Bruce hears about the wedding and he is very upset. He comes around snooping as he knows that there is something not right about all this. He finds the motorcycle that Teri was on and he sees that it got caught in a trap, along with lots of cars. He puts two and two together and he goes in search of Teri to get her out of there. He finds her and they are about to leave when Ida catches them and hits Bruce.
Meanwhile, the humans in the garden have loosened themselves and they are trying to get out. Ida takes Teri to the smoking factory and goes back for her brother. She is ambushed by the victims who have broken free. Teri tries to escape but Vincent catches her. He ties her up and then he goes about his business. One of the victims breaks through the roof, but he is quickly subdued by Vincent. Bruce comes to the rescue and there is a fight with chainsaws(A little nod to a well-known movie!) and Bruce manages to get Vincent. Before he dies, Vincent leaves everything to Bruce and tells him that he was a hypocrite because - wait for it- he uses PRESERVATIVES in his meat!!!!! Then he dies and the two escape...Oh yeah, the o on the sign explodes, leaving the place as 'Motel Hell'!!!! This was a very funny horror movie and I liked it a lot. I am going to give this a 7.5/10.

Monday, May 18, 2009


This movie is based on the horror novel of the same name written by a favourite author of mine, James Herbert. He wrote the novel 'The Rats' which was made into a movie also and which I have reviewed here. Haunted stars Aidan Quinn, Kate Bekinsale and John Gielgud. David Ash(Quinn) is a disbeliever in paranormal activity and ghosts. He lost his sister when he was very young when she fell into the water and drowned. He dreams about it a lot. He works as a professor of psychology in the University of Camberley in England. He has written a book about exposing frauds and fake paranormal activity. It is the 1920's in the film.He goes to a seance and he proves that a so called medium is a hoax. He gets a letter from a Miss Webb who wants him to come to Edbrook Hall and see if there are any ghosts there. She claims that there are lots of ghosts in the house and that she is haunted by them. David agrees to go out there, if only to put her mind at ease. He does not believe that there are any ghosts in the house. He is met at the station by Christina Mariell(Beckinsale)who is very pretty and he mistakes her for Miss Webb. She tells him who she is and she tells him that she has two brothers, Robert and Simon who live in the house also, along with Miss Webb or Nanny Tess as they call her. He meets her as he enters the house and she seems very scared. Robert(Anthony Andrews) is the serious older brother and Simon(Alex Lowe) is the trickster. The three siblings seem to have an oddly close relationship. David wonders if Nanny Tess is having mental problems and he calls in the doctor(Gielgud) who comes and talks to her. David sets up cameras around the house but he thinks that it is someone in the house who is pretending to be the ghost to scare Nanny Tess. He is asked to leave the house by Robert when Nanny Tess becomes more and more upset. He won't leave though, as he likes Christina and he wants to see who is playing tricks. He tells Christina about losing his sister when he was young. He keeps seeing her around the place and it spooks him. That night, he falls into the water and almost drowns,. He is saved by Christina and Simon. He tells them that he was pushed into the water by something or someone, but they don't believe him.There are some weird occurrences in the house and he wonders what is going on. He goes to see the doctor and he tells him what has been going on. The doctor assures him that it is in his imagination. He goes back to Edbrook with Christina and they have sex. The next morning when he awakes, she has gone and the house is empty. Everything has been covered up and it is deserted. He sees his sister and follows her to a cemetery where he sees the graves of Christina, Robert and Simon Mariell. They have been dead for years! He goes to look for the doctor who isn't there either. They are all ghosts! Christina is waiting outside and he runs to her despite a warning from his dead sister! She crashes the car on the way back to Edbrook and when he returns there, he finds Nanny trying to leave, but the three siblings won't let her. They kill her and the ghostly three try to kill David, but he escapes with some help from his sister. He makes it home and his secretary meets him from the train. As they walk away, Christina follows him at a distance.... A fair version of the book. Not as good as it could have been, though. I am giving it a 6/10.
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